We must be willing to let go of the life we planned

Happy Hump Day, pretties!

This quote. Let me tell you-it was probably spoken for me. E. M. Forster said it and yea I don’t know E. M. Forster but I’m still convinced it was spoken about me.

Or at least people like me. Are there people like me?!

You know the type. They put their life in tiny little boxes, all in a row. And they can only move forward to the next box once the previous one has been checked.

Sound familiar? If not, you’re lucky cause..

It.

Is.

Rough.

I don’t remember if I was always this way. Maybe as a kid there just aren’t as many boxes to fill, so I didn’t realize until I became an adult. Or maybe I just was too busy being a kid to take a minute and be all self aware. Oh childhood.

But now, here I am, and I’m always saying oh I can’t do (fill in the thing here) until (fill in another probably unrelated thing here) is done. It’s super frustrating and it makes NO sense except that it makes ALL the sense to me.

Sometimes it small things, like I’ll be at work and think oh I can’t eat lunch until I finish this project I’m working on. Except that I totally could. It’s called a break. Go eat lunch, you crazy girl.

But other times, it’s big things. Things that define a life. Like graduating college, finding a job, buying a house, getting married, having a baby. And I just get sorta stuck.


 

It’s like graduate from college:

Check.

Find a job:

Sorrrrrta kinda check. Like half a check. Like I have a job but it can’t be it. It’s like a good starting point but I can’t stay there long term because I might go crazy there kind of job and there has to be something better out there for me right? I mean, yes, I’ve been there over 2 years, but I still can’t check off the box because I’m not finished finding a job. I can’t be finished. So half check.

Buy a house:

Ha! Did you see my above box? It’s only half checked. You can’t buy a house if your career status is only half checked off. You don’t make enough money at said half-checked job and when you quit, you’ll make exactly NO money and houses cost money, so NO CHECK FOR YOU!

Get married:

Are you serious? How the heck can we get married when I can’t even check off the 2 boxes seen above. I’m too stressed about what I’m going to do with my life work wise to even think about getting married. Getting married is for happy, calm people, not people running on cortisol and sadness. Try again later.

Have a baby:

oh dear god, you’re actually kidding, right? There’s no way we can have a baby if we can’t even get married. And without a house, where would said baby even live? oh what’s that you say, biological clock? I better start trying soon or I might miss my chance? YES I HEAR YOU! I hear you every single day. Go away, I want to be 22 again.


 

oh sorry you had to hear all of that. But welcome to my mind!

As you can see, I really need to let go. So I’m starting with this quote. Also I bought a treadmill because when I do get married, I’d like to look like my former self, before all of the stress decided to live on my hips.

Baby steps.

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did somebody say baby?! – biological clock

 

 

 

 

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